Cease To Speak

At some point, we all learned the art of storytelling. We share the details of our life in vivid color, over and over, for listening ears to hear. There is so much to be heard; the rhythm in a song, the laughter of a child, the crying of a soul, the longing of a heart. 


I don't doubt that we all have intriguing stories to tell, but we didn't weave these stories together by ourselves. We needed an author. The Author of all our stories is the same, we just experience Him in different ways. 


There are common themes in our stories; ones of happiness and hurt, success and failure, companionship and loneliness, courage and weakness. Sometimes we know what comes next in our storyboard, and sometimes it comes as a total shock. Our lives are full of cliff hangers and twists. After all, isn't that the best part?


Unfortunately, there is a point we come to, when we think we are qualified to be the author. We take the pages of our lives into our own hands and try to craft a "perfect" story with all the elements we love most. Yet, somehow, we are never quite satisfied with the book we put together. There is something missing. The ending just doesn't seem right. 

We gaze upon the story of other's and wonder why there story is better than our own. We promote our book like it's better than it really is and can't understand why no one else wants to read it. We seek inspiration to improve our story, and end up coming back to The Author. 


The secret is in The Author's whisper. He knows a better ending of which we could never even dream.  He knows how to inspire the audience and has a way of letting our story speak for itself. So, why try and take over a perfectly good story when our own would be mediocre at best?


I'm letting The Author write, edit, and illustrate my story. It will be just as much a surprise to me as it is to everyone else. But, I have no doubt it will be the best book I have ever read. 

Ahh, Rejuvination...

My goodness, this three day weekend was uneventful, relaxing, and fabulous! I think it may have been more rejuvenating than the Christmas break I had from school. Though I wish it would last longer, I'm glad it was short and sweet.


Sisssykins and I got to see each other Friday, after work. We went to a couple vintage boutiques and discovered a new gluten free bakery. I can't even begin to explain what a treat it is to eat something safe I didn't have to bake myself! The only problem, it's reeeaaally close to work...DANGER! 


Saturday morning was our last breakfast together before Annie left to go back to college. I forget how much I enjoy those moments of family time. The weather was beautiful and made for a great afternoon run. 


I went to see Joyful Noise, which was phenomenal. Not to be misconstrued, but sometimes I think I am tri-racial. I LOVE seeing movies with a multicultural audience. They say out-loud all the things I'm thinking in my head...and I love it! In fact, just this week I had a student ask me, "Ms., can I calls yuz peanut butta?" I asked, "Why?" He replied, "Cuz, you not really daak chocolate (black), you not really caramel (mexican), and you certainly ain't just white chocolate (white), so I think yuz should be peanut butta!" Haha, gotta love the thought process of middle schoolers.


Sunday was church and I made it to the Bus Station for Sunday morning this week. I miss getting to go with my friends and it was a treat to be there together. I deep cleaned all afternoon, did my juicing for the week and cooked dinner. I even had time to paint my nails! Best part, I didn't have to get up for work on Monday!


Instead of going to CrossFit at 5:30am, I mosied in at 9:00. I did some unexpected shopping and had a relaxing afternoon catching up with a friend. Now, it's back to the normal routine of preparing for the week. My lunch is made, my clothes ready to go, my lessons semi-planned...ok, still have yet to do that part :)


I've done a lot of thinking this weekend. I've been seeking clarity in some areas of my life, and found that which I was seeking. I have a peace of mind for which I have been waiting. Therefore, I've moved onto other thoughts. 


According to Martin Luther King Jr...
"An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity."


I've been pondering this. It's so easy to look around at all that is going on around us, and turn the other way. We get caught up in our own needs and wants. We forget how much we already have in comparison to over 50% of the world. We have been blessed with so much for a greater purpose. It is our responsibility to be good stewards of our wealth, in all aspects of life, and share it with others. 

I have been rejuvenated. I needed it, but others do too. I am committing to invest more of my time in others, to serve more diligently, and give with a cheerful heart. It may not be the New Year anymore, but anytime is a good time to start being more conscientious. You don't have to look that far to find need.  

If you're looking for a good place to start, visit http://www.kiva.org/. 

Closing Out the Old, Bringing In the New

I cannot believe I have completed a full semester of my first year of teaching. I can honestly say I love my job, even on the days I think it's ridiculous. I've learned so much from these children, and have seen the fruits of my efforts. For those of you who like to see updates, here are a few...

Spooky Science Lab Day on Halloween.
The students all got a baggy of oobleck to take home.

We explored a non-newtonian fluid...FUN!
I had to cut the kids out, but their reaction
was truly heart-warming.

My homeroom class made the wreath and enjoyed helping with the door.
All my classes made snowflakes and other decorations for the classroom.

My favorite thing about this semester was watching my students transform. I watched them learn to work together, and appreciate each other for their strengths. I witnessed them become more interested and aware of their future career options. I encouraged them to think critically, and many complied. I see their potential each day, even when I'm losing my mind, and that makes it all worth it. 

Jena and I presented at the Conference for the Advancement
of Science Teaching in Dallas, TX. We have been accepted
to present at the National Science Teachers Association
Conference in Indianapolis, IN in March!!

This job has not been a walk in the park. I have definitely had my share of stress and bad days, but I would do it all again for the successes I've seen, small and large. 

Student pictures are on the door.
We are "Having a Rockin' Time in Science"
to go with  the theme for Magnet recruitment.

The holidays have come and gone, and it's like they never happened. Everyone knows I absolutely LOVE everything about the holidays. I collect three things in my life...Christmas decor, crosses, and mugs...I may or may not have an extensive Christmas mug collection in addition to the rest of my Christmas decor. I did quite a bit of entertaining at my house this year during the holidays. I really enjoy having people around, and my house has been perfect for that. 

Stockings we grew up using. Each year, we added a piece that described us. 

Decorative stockings and mantle decor

The infamous bear and his friends. 

Frame I made to display the annual card.

Christmas Card 2011. Each year, we put things in the picture that are
relevant to what we are doing this year. 

We took the Christmas card at my house this year. My family has a Christmas card tradition. The year I was born, my parents bought a big, white bear. Every year since, we have taken our Christmas card picture with that bear.


The poor bear is starting to sag a bit these days. Who knows how many more years he will last. 



Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from our family to yours! The New Year has brought with it many opportunities to spend time together as a family. I spent most of this weekend with my family. It is so nice to have the 4 of us together. 


My mom asked us over dinner the other night if we made New Year's Resolutions. I quickly admitted that I hadn't as I prefer not to do so. My reasoning was that it just gives us one more opportunity to make a commitment that we, most likely, will fail to keep. Quite frankly,  I don't need to feel failure anymore than necessary. I don't think they really liked that answer. I admit, it might be a smidge bit negative. 


To me, the New Year is the sad realization that the holidays have come to an end and mushy gushy February is on it's way. The joys of winter aren't as exciting when Christmas spice tea is out of style and coffee can't be drunk in a Christmas mug. It's the time I have to box up all my Christmas loves and deep clean. It means the big breaks from school have passed and the next relief isn't until spring break, my least favorite season. 


However, there is beauty in the newness. It is time to reevaluate where we stand spiritually, physically, mentally, and relationally. It is a chance to put our priorities in perspective and make necessary changes. It is a chance to find balance and refocus our hearts. This new year has brought more excitement than years past. I am excited about new possibilities. I am exploring life outside my comfort zone and trying new things. I still have yet to declare a New Year's resolution, but maybe it's because I have too many thoughts to put my finger on just one? 

Contentment vs. Happiness

Some people despise exercise. It is an unpleasant thought, and an irritating process. I have never felt this way. It has always been something I have found interesting. Growing up, I was never athletic. I didn’t play on sports teams, and I wasn’t very active. But, one day in high school, my life changed. Exercise became an escape, a release for me. It helped me to channel my stress, organize my thoughts, and improve my self-image. Was I a bit obsessive at times…absolutely! Was I doing it for the wrong reasons…sometimes. But, I can honestly say it improved my quality of life. I needed to push myself and be in control of my body. Exercise was the best way to fulfill those needs.

My outlook on exercise has not changed. In fact, I think I have become more adamant about doing it over time. I still enjoy it, and cannot live without it. When I do not get the chance to work out, I’m cranky and uncomfortable. I feel better, work harder, and love more when I’m taking care of myself, and that includes exercise. I’ve learned a lot about myself, my abilities, my strengths, and my weaknesses through fitness. I’ve pushed myself in ways I never thought possible.

I started training for a marathon in May. I have always been a runner, but the increase in running called for cross training. I took up yoga, and it changed me for the better. Now, in recovery from my marathon, it has only become that much more vital.

One of my favorite things about exercise is the opportunity it gives me to think. I do not have much downtime in my world. I’m always busy and going from one place to another. When I get home, I’m too tired to reflect on my day. My time exercising is when I do that. Yoga is the best place for deep thinking.

Today, my instructor said something that really summed up something that has been on my mind for a while. Her comment was something along these lines;

“We get so caught up in being happy. We keep telling ourselves if ‘this’ happens, we’ll be happy….if ‘that’ works out, then we’ll be content. And yet, we never are. Maybe, the problem lies in our way of thinking. Maybe, if we change our way of thinking, we’ll find happiness. Instead, we should take the outlook that we are content where we are, as we are. Then, we will attract happiness and our outlook will become our being.” Ok, maybe this is too “yogi” for you, but it falls right in line with what I have been thinking about.

For as long as I can remember, I have been future oriented. I’ve always looked forward to the next stage in life, and have neglected to make the most of many experiences just waiting for the possibility of tomorrow. It was a year ago that I remember consciously deciding to change that. I made an effort, daily, to enjoy every experience; to appreciate every opportunity. I put more value in my relationships, gave more time, and took time for myself. I have continued to do so, and for the first time, I think I am truly content. I love my work, enjoy my freedom, and have a balance in work and play. I am feeling better than I ever have and I have a passion for life no one can take away. I am living for these moments. I still have a plan, hopes, and dreams, but these moments are being cherished in the process.

Guilty, guilty, guilty!!

I started my first official job post college graduation in August. It has been most exciting, fulfilling, and wonderful. I have felt every possible emotion over the past few months. I am right where I am meant to be, and I wouldn’t trade these days for anything. But, not everyone my age feels that way about their jobs. It doesn’t seem to matter in which field we work; there are always feelings of frustration that cloud our perspective.

I have had many discussions about happiness lately. I’m not really sure any of us knows what happiness really is. We have all these notions that it is wondrous, yet no one seems to really know what it feels like. So, why do we want it so badly? What do we have to gain from it?

I think the point of my instructor’s comment is that shooting for such an unattainable prize will disappoint us over and over again. Instead, we should live in the positive. We should look at what we do have, what is fulfilling us, and things will come together in time. We must realize that happiness is not a rite of passage…it is part of the ebbs and flows of life. When we least expect it, we will be surprised if we are in the right mindset. But, if we focus only on the possibility of this perfect happiness, we will miss all the imperfect replicas in our midst.

Enjoy life for where you are with whom you are with. Cherish the victories and the road blocks. Set your sights high, but leave room for failure. Life will amaze you with all the opportunities it holds if you let it. One day you may wake up somewhere different than you ever dreamed. We get one shot at this life…spend it wisely!

Daddy's Girl

I may be a teacher by trade, but I learn more and more with each day that passes...not just professionally, but in all aspects of life. If we allow ourselves to be open, our lives can truly be enhanced by all that is around us. 

I have learned the importance of family over the past few years. My family is very tight knit. We have an abundance of wonderful memories of times together. I admit, I have resented the closeness of my family at times. It can feel smothering, annoying, and exhausting. However, the more time I spend with children from broken homes, the more I come to treasure and embrace my family, despite the parts which exhausts me. 

I have always been a daddy's girl. I am like my dad in many ways. I am following in his career footsteps...not just because I admire him, but because I am truly passionate about children and education, and I, too, have been blessed with the gift of teaching. I value health, wellness, and physical fitness. I am an introvert, but can be an extrovert as well. I am an early rising creature of habit who craves routine. 


My dad and I have been training together for a marathon and ran a 20K trail run this past weekend. It was truly a blast. The scenery was wonderful, the weather was perfect, and his company and encouragement was superb. I don't think he expected us to do as well as we did, but when faced with competition, I can't help but push for success. 


When I originally approached my dad about doing a marathon together, he was hesitant. He felt his marathon days were over and the time commitment would be too great. I didn't push him to change his mind, but momma did. She knew how valuable our training time would be. She couldn't have been more right. Every run has been full of conversation, sometimes about things I am very hesitant to share. 

We completed the Palo Duro Trail Run together. 

 I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease almost 8 years ago. It made for some very tough years for me. I am naturally a go-getter with an abundance of energy. I wanted to experience life the way my peers did, but unfortunately, that was hard for me. I tried many different forms of pain management, and continued to struggle until Fall 2010. I finally had enough and went a totally different route. 


A year later, I can honestly say I cannot remember feeling this good. I still have bad days, but the transformation has been remarkable. The other day, my mother reminded me how much of a testimony my running has become. Two years ago, I longed to run, but a 5k was taxing. It would take me days to prepare and I would feel the repercussions of the intensity for days after. And now, I have outrun myself and pushed myself to do more than I ever thought I could. 


I think this testimony spills over into other areas of life. I think it is really easy for us to make excuses for ourselves and set the bar low because that is what is safe. We have to be daring enough to strive for more! Because, most the time, the battle is in the mind. We tell ourselves we will fail, and our body and actions deliver just as we expected. Winning the battle of the mind is the hardest part. Once won, our actions will fall right into place. 


So, that brings me to another point. PERFECTION. I think this word is kind of ugly. Yet, it tends to be my goal more often than not. I have realized I am not alone on the journey to perfection. As a society, we have kind of become "All or Nothing" liars. We live our lives aiming for everything to fit the "perfect" mold. And, when that can't be achieved, we typically give up. We start a workout plan, and eat poorly, so we nix the plan and continue our poor habits. We try a career path, and find it unfulfilling, so we quit. We  try a relationship, and don't get what we want, so we break it off. We make a friend who lets us down, so we let the friendship die. And, unfortunately, in the midst of it all, we are thinking only of ourselves. We try to tell ourselves it is for the best, and sometimes it is, but usually, it's just easier to give up than to push through. 


My daddy and I made time to go see Courageous tonight. It was the perfect daddy-daughter date. The only thing that would have made it better was having momma and sissy along. I think this movie spoke right to this point of perfection. There is no such thing as a perfect dad, a perfect mom, or a perfect spouse. 


When it comes to relationships, looking for perfect will only let you down. It takes work, commitment, time,  and love. And by love, I mean true love. The patient, kind, never rude, never selfish, forgiving kind. It isn't natural, it is HARD! But, that is what makes it beautiful. Unlike many children, I have seen this love modeled well. I have taken it for granted at times, but I am blessed to have it modeled for me. I have high expectations because of the strong man of God who raised me. But, I don't regret that. I deserve that, and so do you.

Daddy had just finished a road run when this picture was taken. I was cheering him on in the cold!

We are given the choice every day to accept defeat or push through for more. We are guaranteed trials, struggles, and set-backs. However, the finish line looks so much better when we arrive a little beaten down. We must look toward our goals so we do not lose sight of them. We must constantly reassure ourselves that the journey is worth it.And, we must be confident that our perseverance will be rewarded. 

The following is a blog post I came across about perfection vs. excellence...

Excellence vs Perfection

Excellence vs Perfection: where is the line drawn? We must strive to be perfect, The Letter written to us by The Greatest Author of all time tells us so, but there is a difference between striving to be perfect (excellence) and being perfect (Impossibility).

Philippians 3:12 (NIV)
Pressing on Toward the Goal 

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me

1 Peter 1:16 (NIV) states, "for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."

What we must understand is that perfection and excellence have the same goal, we arestriving to become perfect, we will not obtain perfection in this lifetime (impossibility)... we will not become perfect until we are in Eternal union with The One who is 'Worth It', but we must strive, we must 'press on' towards this perfection and this striving is what is known asexcellence...

Perfection is the goal (Eternal Life), excellence is the way to achieve it....
No one is perfect... that's why pencils have erasers. ~Author Unknown

So how does this relate to our everyday lives? Here is a list of trying to achieve perfection in the here and now and excellence which is achievable in the here and now...

Perfection says, "It's partly cloudy"
Excellence says "It's partly sunny"
Perfection is throwing one interception and losing confidence
Excellence is throwing 5 interceptions, yet coming back to lead your team to victory (see Dallas Cowboys vs Buffalo Bills week 5, 2007 NFL)
Perfection is performance based
Excellence is based on improvement

Perfection can make a victory become a failure
Excellence can turn a failure into victory
Edison example (invention of a battery): Edison must be ready to quit after having performed some 50,000 tests without success. "You must be pretty downhearted with the lack of progress", the assistant said. Edison replied, "Downhearted? We've made a lot of progress. At least we know 50,000 things that won't work!"

Perfection says, "God I am in control"
Excellence says, "God I am yours"

Perfection states intentions
Excellence creates actions

Perfection leads to insecurity
Excellence leads to greatness ( A human being in The Hands of God is an amazing tool for Greatness - Erwin McManus)

Perfection fears mistakes
Excellence sees opportunities

Perfection leads to a mess
Excellence leads to God creating a work of beauty out of our mess

Once you accept the fact that you're not perfect, then you develop some confidence. ~Rosalynn Carter

A person's pursuit of goodness leads to greatness, but the pursuit of greatness leads to ruin, Pursue goodness and you will achieve great things. ~ John E Kramer Vice pres for communications Institute for Justice

The L Word

Oh, the L word. I have never really liked the L word. You see, I'm not a mushy gushy kinda girl. Secretly, I'm a hopeless romantic, but first and foremost, I'm practical. If it's not realistic, let's not get carried away! When my knight shows up, MAYBE then we can talk. I don't like to be touched, I'm not a hugger, and I crinkle my nose up when my family members kiss me. Don't worry, my family is very loving. I heard "I love you" everyday as a child and received plenty of affection. Physical touch and lovey dovey just aren't my love language. 


I've been thinking about this L word though...
I can't even imagine how many times a day I say "I love". I love chocolate, I love coffee, I  love her shoes, I love that necklace, I love to run, I love, I love, I love! I don't really mean it, though. Chocolate can lift my spirits, coffee keeps me sane, shoes are a collector's item for me, jewelry is fabulous, and running is my therapy. These are all wonderful things that I enjoy, but I don't really love them. I say this word about things all the time, but, I don't really say it to people. And, when I do, it's more like a "luv you"...a passing phrase that sounds endearing, but from which I am emotionally removed. For me, it's a conscious thing. It protects me from getting hurt, it keeps me at a distance, and I like it that way.


This past weekend, Beth Moore came to town. One of her remarks was about love. She challenged us to put the "I" back in our "Love You". Apparently, it isn't just me. I don't know that other people take out the "I" consciously, but without it, it is less intense. She feels that we need to express that love for others strongly, for their good and ours. I have thought about this quite a bit. At first, I thought it was dumb, in all honesty. Does it really matter? I'm set in my ways and I have my reasons. It's one letter that happens to be a vowel. It shouldn't bother me so much, but tonight at church, it came up again. 

As I left church this evening, I was hoping for a sense of renewal. I was a bit disappointed when I didn't feel that sense of relief after the day I had. As I walked to the parking lot, I heard a little girl telling her mother what she learned in Children's Worship. They are memorizing scripture while the adults are praying in 'Big Church'. She carefully began reciting 1st Corinthians 13:4. 

1st Corinthians 13:4

I was so impressed with how well she did! It was the most precious moment of my day listening to the pride in her voice. Then, it got me thinking...

This is what love is supposed to be. This is how we are called to love. This is why we are meant to say it and truly mean it. As I read the characteristics, I realize I'm not so far off from the type of love this scripture describes. What I've found is I don't know when to let go. I may not say it, but in my heart, I grow attached. I trust too much, I'm too nice, I don't take enough pride in myself, and I hope too much. Where is the practicality in that???

I will come right out with it...I lost my marbles this morning. I, who am rarely emotional, became an emotional wreck in a matter of minutes. It started out with a few tears and turned into a panic attack from being so shocked by my balling escapade. I cannot even remember being this upset in the past. It took me a long while to gain my composure, and I can't lie and say I did it gracefully either. That experience illustrated just how passionate I am about kids and their success. From that experience, I learned that I am human. As hard as I try, I am just as 'normal' as everyone else, and it is ok to shed tears. Ok, I typed that, but I'm still trying to convince myself about the tear shedding! 


Most importantly this traumatic experience brings me right back to the L word. I truly care about all of my students. I am doing everything I can for them, and it is wearing me out. I want the best for them even when they don't want it for themselves. But, I must LOVE them the way I have been called to love them even when they don't deserve it. I must be kind and patient. I must persevere. I must be the one who doesn't fail them. 
Yes, I will fail. I have to let go of that. But, they must always count on the fact that I am their advocate. 


So, I have taken all of this too heart. I'm still stubborn about my love. It means something when I say it...at least when it comes to people. :)

Lessons I Learned Over Labor Day

This weekend was a very welcome and much needed chance to get away. It is no secret that I love to travel, but it is not often that I get a chance to relax. This weekend in the mountains was a VERY relaxing vacation with very dear friends. 

It is almost always impossible for me to not think about work. I live for work, and love my job. This weekend, I allowed myself to completely forget about all obligations and enjoy the exact moments I was living. I spent the weekend with three amazing mommas, one husband, two high school teenage girls, my sweet Sammy love, and five children under the age of 10. There was never a dull moment! 


Friday night, we had fajitas waiting for us when we arrived at our newly remodeled cabin. We put the kids to bed, and the adults relaxed on the back deck under the stars. The married couple (17 years and counting) danced in the moonlight as if they were newlyweds again. Saturday brought with it cool temperatures and sunshine. I heard the most wonderful story of a widower's new found love. It was absolutely enchanting to watch her sweet face light up with every word. It doesn't matter what age we are, all women want to be cherished. 


Later that day, I took the high school girls to get ice cream. Oh, high school relationships...just as I remembered. These girls, too, had stories to tell. Mainly of disappointment and confusion. I gave the best advice I could, but secretly I was glad to be past that stage in life. And, then, the little girls told me of their 'boyfriends'. It's amazing to me they have gone through so many at such a young age. They are still at the 'cootie stage', but boy crazy none the less. 


Every story I heard was different, but the emotions were all the same. I've learned love comes in many different forms at every stage in life...the trick is being open to it. Sometimes, I think it's easy to look around and think it can be so easy for other people. But, we don't always know all the details. It may be better right where we are. 


Which brings me to the map...

Of course, I found this on pinterest...I mean, where else would I waste/invest countless hours of my time?? 

I think often about the future, but it is also imperative to look at 'the now'. After all, it is the now that gets us to the future we someday would like to see. I've learned, these moments that add up to become days in our lives are valuable. We can remember them forever, but we cannot relive them or change the way they happen. It is up to us to be diligent with our time and spend our moments wisely. Cherish the days we are given, both good and bad, for they are our lives. 


I've seen the value of working hard for that in which you believe. Sometimes it is easier to get busy with other things, and let the important stuff move to the back burner. But, it can be dangerous to let that happen. 

I stepped outside in the crisp mountain air multiple times this weekend. As I looked off into the vastness of greenery, I realized how much for which I have to give thanks. I also had to reevaluate where I am going. I know where I want to be, I'm on my way there. But, I can't miss the opportunities right before my eyes just because I am lost in the fantasy of my future.

I think of life like a race. From the minute I start training, all I can think about is the finish line...how far it is, how hot I am, how tired, beat down, and thirsty I am becoming. The whole way through, I keep telling myself 'You can do it!', 'you're strong enough!' 'Keep going!' When I get to the end, I am so proud of my accomplishment. I am pleased with the payoff of my hard work. At the end of the road, it's great to be proud, but all that really matters is the crowd of people I have to surround me...the ones who have supported me all along and experienced the ups and downs of the run.


I have come to appreciate relationships so much more over the past year. I have a great group of friends, but I keep them at a distance. In all honesty, I like to be alone. I value having time to think, and I appreciate privacy. But, life is about more than that. Life is about being open and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. I will be the first to admit I am AWFUL at that, but I am working on it. I am finding it is better for me and for all those I share with to know the true emotions of my heart. It makes the thrills of life more thrilling and the struggles in life less painful.


My challenge to you this week is to look at your life. What do you  need to work on to get the most out of life? Where are you going and how will you get there?